A woman with a large vagina has encountered men whose penises are too small to satisfy her sexually, but she has never come up with a method to divine penis size without direct examination. Here’s her story:
The other day I told my boyfriend that he had a really big penis. I asked him if he knew he had a really big penis; I had a feeling he didn’t know this and I thought he should, because it’s really big. It’s the biggest one I’ve come across, except for one on a man who was 6′ 7″. His was too big even for me. I am not insinuating that height has anything to do with big penises though. I’ve tried out all sorts of theories on how to tell how big a man’s penis is and none of them worked. I tried a correlation with foot size. I worked for a long time on big noses. But just one exception comes along, and it blows the whole thing. Finally I resorted to dowsing with a pendulum. I set up a scale from one to ten, drawn on a half-circle. I dowsed a known entity and worked it out from there. I was perfectly accurate until I met my boyfriend. I dowsed him as only a five, which is passable (a seven is desirable). The first time I slept with him I was really shocked because I was expecting a five and he is definitely off the scale.
Until I discovered that dowsing wasn’t any better than looking at noses, I thought it was a terrific idea: I would never have to be in the embarrassing and disappointing situation of being in bed with a guy I really like and then discovering that his penis is too small for me.
Before you decide that I’m a completely phallic-obsessive asshole, let me explain where I’m coming from. I have a big vagina and it’s not that much fun to fuck someone with a small penis. I love lovemaking and everything that goes with it, especially the energy, the orgasm part of it, but I have to admit: I need to have my itch scratched now and then, often if possible. I had a lover who really turned me on. Just lying together and kissing blew our brains out. But I couldn’t feel anything when we fucked. He kept saying he couldn’t get any traction but I don’t think he figured it out. I didn’t tell him.
Back to my boyfriend: when I asked him about his big penis he said that all men have the same size penis. He read that in a medical book. I screamed with laughter. Wouldn’t you know it? The medical priests set their own minds at ease. I used to hang out with ex-convict, recovering-drug-addict types; they talked a lot about feeling inadequate because they thought their penises were too small. So maybe the belief system depends on class. They also talked about their yearning for tiny twats so I guess they knew about differences in vagina sizes. But I talk to a lot of women about sex and never once has anyone mentioned this problem.
I think the normal people, those with big penises and little vaginas, never give it a thought. But it’s hell for the rest of us.
My boyfriend said he slept with one woman whose vagina felt like a ballroom he could waltz around in. Otherwise he thought they are all the same. He said a man could always rub his penis along the side of the vagina which is probably true but that wouldn’t solve the woman’s problem.
I remember being given the facts of life in fifth grade. I was stunned that they were doing this in school. It was 1957, for godsake. I wouldn’t have asked a question for anything in the world. But there was a boy, a tough, scary boy named Arthur, who asked the question: “What if it doesn’t fit?” The answer was, “It always fits.” This interchange is my isolated memory of the event; even then I knew the propaganda was suspect. I certainly saw Arthur in a different light though. Suddenly he looked harmless and innocent to me.
Another piece of propaganda that we constantly hear is that there’s no natural way to make your penis bigger. Absolute nonsense! I know at least one man who added a couple of inches using a water-based penis pump called the Penomet. It’s quite an ingenious product, and it really works. The trick is to convince your partner that he should use the Penomet without insulting him. Hmm, I’m sure you’ll think of something…